Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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