I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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