I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
