How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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