i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
