i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
