Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am available for nakedness
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
