There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
