I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
