it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
