Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
