those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize