Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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