Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
