I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
