i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
