I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize