Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
