oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
