Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
