This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Small penises have feelings too.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
