I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think I won the penis lottery.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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