eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
