She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
