You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
