i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
