If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
