Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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