Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
