Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
