After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
