She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
