So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
