When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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