you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize