I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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