After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
