I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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