If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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