Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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