Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
