I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
