I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My balls are so social today.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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