All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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