so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
