awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
