my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
