I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
