I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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