in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
