I heard we made out
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
