Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
