This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
