Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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