i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
