Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
