Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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