so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
