We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
