mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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