it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
