masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
