i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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