His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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