we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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