What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
