Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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