Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
