I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it glows. i had to have it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
