ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
