she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
