Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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