i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
