You can't motorboat a personality
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
