Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
