I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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