if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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