oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
my poor anus
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
