She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
