four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize