Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
