I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
