I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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