I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
