sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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