And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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