false alarm. still invincible.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
