I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
