Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
