I think my vagina is haunted
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize