Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Pants are for mortals
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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