Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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