oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
