I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
