Apparently you make a good broom.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
