i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
